The Books in the Back

I'd walked into a local bookstore to see if they had a copy of James Baldwin's collected essays. His voice has always been a wise approach to combatting racism that I can lean on in times of political turmoil. I know, in my less informed years, that his words did not offend me. They welcomed me into a world to which I'd never felt invited. I understood, when I read his work, that we push people away with our righteousness and judgment, but we invite them in with love and compassion. In that moment, I really needed someone to help me be a little more compassionate.

I know this bookstore well. I know that there are freethinkers working there. When I approached an employee to ask where I might find the section with James Baldwin, he sighed, as the section was temporarily blocked off for a meeting. "You know what! There might be some of his books in the back!" I thought they might have some sort of back stock, that was well kept for popular and important books. As I walked with him, there was no room, only a dusty dirty hallway, lined with damaged boxes. Inside the boxes: all black authors. Only black authors. "We've taken these off the shelves because they're just not selling." He said to me with a sheepish tone. Both of us, standing over the boxes, unable to ignore all the faces looking up at us and authors names stating the obvious, we can't afford to have black authors on our shelves right now. "I'm sure there are plenty of types of books that don't sell well here." I said, noting to myself that not one title before me was terrible nor was one written by a white author. If this were about shelf space or books that do not sell, there would have been other boxes with other categories. There were not.

As much as I wanted to judge this store and put them on blast, something began to dig at me. Since November's election, I have been "hiding books in the back" of my business as well. I became leery as a therapist who specializes in LGBTQ+ relational therapy about advertising this fact. I became worried that myself or my clients might become targeted under the current administration.

I watched online as groups that I follow for LGBTQ+ resources and support also became quiet. I watched as flags came down and doormats were changed out from queer rainbows to generic welcomes. My community was going underground, and I thought I should too. I moved my social media accounts to private. I stopped speaking out publicly, while silently building a lot of fear and concern. The problem was becoming too big for me to emotionally withstand it. I pretended it didn't exist. I put the books in the back, so to speak, to save myself and my business.

I share this with you now not to condemn or judge anyone. I come from a religious and conservative background where I used to also not support the LGBTQ+ community. I was told that these people were abominations. I was told that this was the message from god, and that god did not want people to be gay or trans or non-binary. I didn't know then what I know now. I was fortunate enough to have kind teachers who led me toward a greater sense of compassion, understanding, and curiosity. So, I understand that not everyone shares my current views. To be clear, I believe that ALL people deserve to be safe and supported in whatever identity so long as what they choose does not hurt someone else. I realize we face complicated issues and unanswered questions around gender and sexuality. I understand that people fear what they do not understand. I will tell you, dear reader, that the more I am curious and have the capacity to listen to people, the more beauty I see in the world. That the queer community, my community, is a place full of love and ancient wisdom. I feel very sad that hate takes its own limitations out on my friends.

As much as I want to just be a therapist and not bring politics in to my practice, I cannot separate the two because of what is currently happening. Our president said in his inauguration speech, that there would only be two genders. Immediately thereafter, effective processes went into play to decrease gender affirming care (which saves lives), restrict rights to change names and gender markers (which impacts a person's ability to feel seen an acknowledged by their surrounding community), and possibly worst of all, teachers and staff at schools immediately began misgendering and dead naming students.

We will never stop disagreeing about morality. I do not believe someone's identity can be reduced to a moral issue, however I see that some do believe gender and sexuality have moral limitations. Therapy is not about politics and I want every person to feel safe in my office, even if I do not share their views. I love this country. I love democracy. I hope it survives for centuries and millennia to come. When we target specific groups of people to legislate them differently than we do most other people, that is not democracy. Trans and non-binary people are too small a percentage of the population to advocate for themselves alone. They need support. And just as the Jewish holocaust survivors would never have stood a chance against the Hitler regime without the support of the whole world backing them, we too must see that one day the fight might be pointed toward us. That we do not have to be Jewish, trans, or gay to be vulnerable to the violence bred by hatred and fear. You and your family are safer in a world where we all support each other's causes even if they are not our own.

At the risk of my business. At the risk of my clients. At the risk of being alienated in a mostly conservative town, I fear I can no longer put the books in the back. I must proudly put them on the shelf. I am an LGBTQ+ affirming therapist. I am sexually and gender diverse myself. I am deeply saddened by the usage of this community for political gains. I find it irresponsible and deplorable. I find it a distraction from broader issues that all Americans would benefit from being addressed.

Additionally, to the BIPOC community which has been affected by this administration as well, know that you will always be safe at Love Counseling. Know the systemic racism and oppression that you have experienced will be acknowledged and recognized as no minor event. Know that as a mother of second generation Asian-American children, I am saddened by the inhumane treatment of immigrants in our nation at the moment. I am sorry that the lessons we need most right now, are being pulled from the shelves. I grieve the regression of thought in which we exist in this moment. To my fellow women, who have yet to see a day where our country is proportionately represented by our half of the population, know that I too grieve the dismissal of our existence, daily. From this day forward, I will be brave. I will put the most important messages out front and center, and deal with the rest if and when it comes.

This article was written by Dazholi "DD" Love, LMFT. If you are seeking counseling in the Grand Junction, Western Slope and Mesa County areas, you may contact DD by clicking this link here

DD Love, LMFT

640 Grand Ave,

Grand Junction, CO 81507

(970) 852-0687

Available Monday - Wednesday from 9am-7pm, Fridays from 9am-12pm (in-person and online)